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OUR NIGHTMARE
This my story: Regarding the death of Mike Kennedy
Written: January 2007
Karen Lasrich-Mike's sister
I’d like to start by thanking Dr. Lynn Webster and for this campaign in starting with his mission to try and educate physicians, pain sufferers, and all communities about the increasingly serious issue of unintentional overdose deaths with methadone especially.
The Food and Drug Administration has issued a WARNING to Healthcare professionals reporting deaths and life-threatening adverse events such as respiratory depression and cardiac arrhythmias in patients receiving Methadone. www.zerodeaths.org
It is too late for us, for Mike! But maybe we can make a difference in someone else’s life?
I want to tell you about our once “normal” families horrible, real life, tragedy and our continuing nightmare.
-Methadone Intoxication:
Mike, my brother age 42, was prescribed Methadone on Dec 3rd, 2004 He was found dead, in his bed the next morning on Dec 4th 2004 by his 12-year-old son.
I have to tell you this is a very long letter. (This is my novel!)
As you can see from above, there are many very important details you need to know to understand our entire ordeal! There is not only our GRIEF but also GUILT my family and I have had to endure. With many different emotions we all have gone through with death. Most of you know what I mean by this. It’s very difficult loosing your loved one, however it may be, but it’s especially hard loosing someone that had died UNITENTIONALY!” We feel as though with Mike’s death he’s been murdered!
Both of our loved ones, had a wonderful life ahead of them. We know,
NONE of this should have ever happened!
Unfortunately, this is a tough story to follow completely, so stay with me.
I hope you do read this: Read this only when you have the time!
I’m sorry, as I know I can ramble, but I (we) want to make a difference in some ones life. We can only pray that something good will come out of all of our horrible nightmares, that you may read, and with all of the “Unintentional deaths” due to Methadone that continue daily!
I need to give you some past history before I continue on.....
Our small family of 5 with our loving parents and the three of us were raised in California for about 30 years. We were what you’d call the “normal family” (no such word anymore, what’s normal?) a loving family, raised with good Christian morals. We loved and protected one other, always and forever! We had the best parents who raised us three kids to be kind and good people and make a difference in this world!
My brother Mike (we are 19 months apart) was the only one, of our parents and siblings that stayed in the bay area raising his 12-year-old son Nick. Mike divorced about 8 years prior to his death. Mike and Nick lived in their beautiful home in the Cupertino area that Mike was so proud of. He was a hard worker, in his glory remodeling his home continuously by himself and or with good friends. He was a wonderful single father who was raising and loved his son so much. He who also loved the outdoors, skiing and fishing!
Mike was also a mentor to so many people through his AA programs and meetings the past 4 years of his life. He saved many lives through his generosity of home and heart. His phone was available for anyone,
24-7 days a week!!
He also saved me. I am 6 years sober today; due to my best friend, my brother Mike. He was always a year “older” with our sobriety, and we use to talk about everything at least weekly, if not daily for at least a few minutes. We were very close. We had many fun talks besides the serious! Our family always ends our calls with I love you!
We also have our wonderful sister Kathy; she’s 3years older than myself, I’m in the middle of the two. She had moved with her family to the Denver area about 20 years ago. My parents decided to retire in the southern part of the Houston area about 13 years back, so that Mom could finally be closer to her family and 5 siblings if something happen to dad. (Statistics say that men usually go before woman.) Mom was diagnosed with cancer and passed away 3 months after she was diagnosed and became septic due to the chemo port, leaving us on Oct 27, 2003.
Prior to our mother’s death, Mike was in a bad automobile accident in July of 2002. This lead to disk problems in his neck and low back area due to this car accident. He was scared to death of surgery that he needed but he wouldn’t, couldn’t do it, yet! He wore a back brace for support along with physical therapy and was prescribed pain medications (Viccadin) to help relieve his pain. It was manageable and he was ok. You do what you got to do for pain relief and try to continue to have a life as “pain free” as possible. We both are very aware of addition, so we were always very careful when prescribed these opioids. We, pain sufferers try all resources that are available to help illuminate pain, whether it be massage, acupuncture, physical therapy, chiropractor or even spinal cortisone injections, you do it!
I know pain and I know what he was going through. I could empathize with him. I had fallen off a jungle gym years ago, and unfortunately the older you get things change. Between the numerous medical doctors, arthritic specialists, bone specialists, the MRI’s, etc. I was finally diagnosed with degenerative disk problems, bone spurs, osteoarthris and fibromyalgia. I was prescribed 800 Ibuprofen, tried Celebrex and also pain medications taking as prescribed. (Lortab) I can continue my daily life in a semi- comfortable way to be a good mother and wife. I am like my brother, if I can hold out on any surgery, I will.
I am 46 years old today.
The following summer Mike met a beautiful woman, Collette, who was also divorced, with 2 boys, ages 9 and 10 at this time. They met at an AA family picnic and of course all the boys hit it off right away. They connected and dated from here on. We had heard that Collette had lost custody of her two sons to her ex husband, just before Mike and her met. Apparently, she also had the demon of alcoholism, but together and with Mike’s nurturing ways, with help she was doing great. They fell in love and were both very happy!
Our family all received a call from Mike and Collette with the good news around February 2004 that Collette was pregnant and they were planning on marrying in May. The baby’s due date was in November. They were thrilled, so of course, we were thrilled too. We didn’t know her well of course; we all are in different states. So we were all there for them with open arms.
In March, all of us, my precious Dad, Kathy (my sister) her husband and her 3 girls, their granddaughter, Mike, Nick and Collette all flew into Utah for a visit to our home for an extra long weekend and to finally meet Collette. Her two boys did not come.
I'm lucky to have a supportive loving husband, with two darling kids, Lauren 11 and Lee was 13, at this time. Lee and my nephew Nick still talk all the time on the phone. He has visited us since he was 6 years old and spends most of the summer with us, along with a few trips in between.
Collette was turning 40 in April, so we had a fun 40th surprise birthday party and baby shower for them too. Not realizing this would be our last time we saw Mike alive.
I had an appointment with my family doctor, around August/September 2004, which my husband had to drive me to because I was flu sick and achy at this time. This man has been our family doctor for years. Our doctor was so mad when he heard I was taking Lortab and NOT METHADONE!
I had never heard this medication was used for pain and that this medication was used for the soul purpose of recovering heroin addicts?
He also said, “Methadone is a “non-dependent” medication! (Which this is truly a false statement!) He continued saying how this medication is for all “addicts” and that I could become addictive to Lortab and Methadone was my ONLY answer. Shocked, but listened, he’s a doctor I had trusted, so you do what they suggest. My husband went to our pharmacy to fill this prescription for me (YES, this is a very cheap prescription, containing 100 pills!) I just wish it had said: Caution!! Beware, anything!
THIS IS THE “ONE PILL THAT CAN KILL!”
Unfortunately, none of us new this medication could be so lethal, until now.
Anyways, my husband took me home and my pain increased I took one!! That evening I took another, as prescribed. I honestly felt so goofy and disoriented that I could not handle it or function on it at all! But, one main reason I really hated it; it didn’t relieve ANY of my pain? I never took another one. Life went on. I stayed on my program that was helping me as before, and with my specialist’s advice. I could function and I had always been careful with taking any pain medications! Even when taking over the counter medications.
One afternoon when Mike called me as he was going home from work, I told Mike about this pain medication METHADONE, that my family doctor had given me. He was hurting badly at this time, and exhausted with the two moves, (her condo needed paint, carpet, etc.) Of course my brother and friends did it ALL!
Anyways, I told him maybe he should try this pain medication and it may work out for him? Of course telling him about my doctor and explanation, with “our dependency issues with alcohol,” maybe he’d try it and ask his doctor the next time he went in?
Well, I felt like this was a BIG mistake on my part later! He asked me if I would send him a few to try. Stupid as it was, I sent some in the mail with all prescription directions, etc. We really never talked about this again. I still do not completely understand why? But, as you know how busy our lives were; they just are busy...., I suppose?
So life continues, busy as always for everyone. They were settling in their home, getting married and getting ready for the baby, who was due in November. Mike and I still talked a lot. His mission to help others and speak at AA meetings and prisons continued, always. He continued to try and get me more involve with AA here in Utah, which I will go back!! To tell Mikes story, as he’d want me to do!
He was mentor and my support. I have God and my family to get me through daily! I am very proud that I have stayed sober and continue to do this for not only myself, but also my brother.
They had just bought a new 35-foot motor home to travel with all of the kids right before Thanksgiving. They loved to travel this way. Beach! Mountains!
Life was pretty good for everyone. Although, we still were having our difficult moments, with the grief and sadness with the death of our Mother, Jackie. (69 years old) Especially, we were very worried about our father.
Chad Christian Kennedy was born on November 2, 2004 in Kaiser hospital. Collette had complications with an amniotic embolism and nearly died giving birth. Praise God, she was ok, both were healthy and they went home.
I had an airline ticket to fly out and see them in San Jose, to help out with Chad, leaving Nov 11th, but my pain had increased during the past few months and I also became ill again, with the flu. I couldn’t go! I wouldn’t have been any help at this time, so I was going to reschedule for a later date!
On December 4th, my husband, my father in law and I had planned a trip to Palm Desert, CA for a quick and relaxing weekend. My kids were home safe with their babysitter for the weekend.
We had just landed and standing in the middle of the terminal when I received this “horrifying phone call” on my cell phone. I’m so sorry, and I don’t even know how to tell you this, but apparently your brother Mike, has died throughout the night? He was found in his bed dead by his son Nick, 12, this morning. He had gone into wake him up and he was gone! The family was leaving for their weekend getaway, with their already-to-go packed motor home, leaving for Santa Cruz that morning! (This was Mike, sick or not, he’d try and push himself.)
Well, after this call, the airlines basically had to put me in a “rubber room” until they could get us on a flight to San Jose, CA. There are NO WORDS! I’m sure you all know exactly what I mean after hearing about the loss of your loved one.
Our entire family came in to help support Collette with baby Chad, just one month old, Nick, the boys, my dad, Kathy and of course my husband and I. (My husband and Mike were like brothers.) We had to get through all the funeral arrangements, which nobody should have to do this especially for a healthy 41-year-old man! Nick our precious nephew having to go back to live with his mother, which I won’t get into. But, I can tell you this it wasn’t a healthy situation. Nick needed his mother they needed one another. This has been the hardest for all of us; Not having their dad here to watch over his two sons, as they grow up.
We were still all in shock and trying to get some answers of the cause of death. Apparently, Mike was flu-sick with a bad cold. Collette and the baby slept in the guest bedroom because he didn’t want to get them sick. She heard him up about 11 o’clock that evening. She talked with him and checked for fever, which he had. She got him a cup of hot Theraflu and they went back to their separate bedrooms. He wanted to feel good for their big day the next morning. Apparently, he had also taken some over the counter cold medications throughout the day. We are guessing, and assume he took that “one more pill” Methadone along with this Theraflu. We believe this combination killed him! Methadone suppresses your breathing and should NEVER be taking when you’re sick! Especially if your experiencing any problems with a cold, any chest problems or cough! Period!
We looked everywhere to see what he had taken or if he had a heat attack? There was nothing else by his bed. We searched for his Viccadin. Nothing. (Collette, his wife had no idea he was taking this! Weird yes!) You’ll find out later why he didn’t tell her. Finally, my brother in law searched his car and found a bottle of METHADONE in his glove box! We noticed that it was filled and dated Dec 3rd, and he was gone on Dec 4th!
I litterly fell apart! I died right there! I felt like I had killed my baby brother. I new I was somewhat responsible. I was a complete mess…Unfortunately, I still am. I am digging deeper into his past. I have to know if this was a refill? Was it brand new prescription? Especially, milligrams are very important for me to look at! I want closure that I may never get, but I need to get some more answers!
Anyway, we all had to get it together and have a funeral. We were raised here in California so we new the church we wanted to have it. Collette and Mikes pastor gave his service with numerous of old faces from our old neighborhood and schools. There were also many of Mike’s friends he’d helped through his AA meetings along with his old buddies from school and work.
We all had to wait 9 weeks for Mike’s autopsy report to find out cause of death. Agonizing, yes. But when I saw that he had died from “Methadone intoxication,” My insides died again. I cannot begin to tell you the guilt one goes through. Don’t ever share any of your medications, EVER!
With no will anywhere and Collette and Mike had never even discussed this, it became a total mess for her and for the family. We tried to help her with the credit cards, etc. but everyone grieves differently and she didn’t really want us too much. We were all in our own grief. We were trying to look out for both Collette, Chad, but we were especially worried about Nick. We finally got Nick, his mother and her boyfriend set up in a clean and nice home they have been renting the last year and a half. So we are feeling grateful that they are in a good environment again.
Collette and I talked daily for the first month or so. Then I could tell she was drinking again. Sometimes I couldn’t blame her! Truely! She had lost a lot! We all were in such pain. But, she had already lost custody of her two sons, Mike, her soul mate, love and support, lost Nick and even lost their dogs. She had numerous payments that needed two peoploe to go on> God bless her!
I was hurting so much myself she began to wear on me. I couldn’t take her calls as often, I just couldn’t take it. I tried to be there for her as much as possible and would only call her in the daytime.
On numerous occasions, I even talked and pleaded with her to talk to my good friend, an attorney. They did have some conversations together and that she would help her, when she was ready, to sign the will. This was for any reason if she died, car accident, any accident; we’d never endure this trauma again? But this never happened! Never signed!
April 26th, 2005 we once again were the first to receive another horrifying phone call from Chad’s babysitter. Collette had not shown up for work and of course, worried; the babysitter told Collette’s workplace she would go check on the two of them. She went over to the house and found Collette in her bed with baby Chad right next to her, dead.
I have to tell you during this ordeal the babysitter told me she could find no other numbers besides mine. I was also the one that had to call her father. I’m the one that had his phone number. He called his son, the only other sibling about her death.
Thank God my dad was here visiting us in Utah when we got the call. He was and continues to be our ROCK throughout everything, he’s always been…He just looked at me and said, “Honey it’s all going to work out, leave it to God and our Angels.” I promise you, it will be ok!
Kathy, my sister, was also planning her flight schedule to meet my dad and I at the San Jose airport, again!
I had already been in touch with the police officers the moment I got the horrifying phone call. It was all regarding baby Chad, (nearly 6 months old) who had him, what they were going to do with him until we got there? They gave me number after number, the hospital, as they had to examine him, (keeping close contact of his whereabouts) children’s services, and they finally said he was going to a foster home and they could not give me this phone number and only for his protection! I just cried.
I was talking to my kids and trying to be calm explaining what we had to do about the situation and that Grandpa and I were going to get baby Chad and bring him back with us, to Utah.
We know and understand Collette was an alcoholic and this got the best of her, especially after losing the love of her life, Mike!
Once we got our bearings straight, plane tickets, my husband had to be finger printed here in SLC through the police station, completely checked out and everything faxed to the San Jose authorities. He had to stay home with our two kids. Thank God my dad was with me. We all agreed Chad was coming home with us, when and how long; we had no idea…still in shock!
I received another phone call later that afternoon, from a neighbor my old girlfriend, that had lived 3 doors down from our house in San Jose, where we grew up. We had just seen each other at Mike’s funeral those few months earlier.
Maria and her husband Chris ended up being Chad’s foster parents for three days. She called me in tears saying she couldn’t believe that when she saw Chad’s name, she new it was Mike’s son. They couldn’t believe he was sent to be with them either, because the day before they were just eligible for one more child to care for. This was a true miracle. This was a sign! Our angels were again watching out for us, a true Godsend.
We could finally be at peace knowing where he was and knowing he was in great hands, while we did what we had to do to get him and get through all we had to face, but especially to get Chad out of the system!
As my dad and I were flying back, no one can imagine the awful and sick feeling we were feeling and facing. This was so truly grueling and so soon after Mikes death. Again facing another funeral with knowing these four darling boys have now lost a mother.
Along with the fact they were now loosing a baby brother to me, and going to Utah? They new nothing about me! God knows how hard it was for them saying good-bye to him. Unbearable as it was, we had to do this.
We also had already talked to a social worker before we flew into San Jose. She was waiting to meet us at Mike and Collette’s home just as soon as we got the rental car and made it over there. We had to get Chad’s birth certificate, ET all. Talk about a horrible feeling walking into this beautiful home and everything is just now GONE, forever! There are No words to express this feeling.
We also needed an attorney to process all the paperwork. A judge had to grant us a, 3-month guardianship so that we could take him out of the State of California; some thousands of dollrs later ...we were given the ok to take Chad back home with us.
My dad, Kathy and I had to stay at the courthouse and attorney’s office for hours with having to go from judge to judge with our story. They granted us custody at 5 pm Friday night! Amen!
Unfortunately, we had to deal with another funeral and yes at the same church, same minister with the same pictures that were at Mikes just 4 months before.
Déjà vu is now a word we all can truly relate too. To see these four boys in the front row holding their baby brother, Chad, 6 months old and the tears and faces of these boys. You cannot even imagine. I promised all of the boys that I would be good to him love him and would always keep them close together, forever. I have kept my promise to all. Thank goodness Nick and I have always been close and he has spent numerous summers and time with us. He could tell the younger boys that Chad was in good hands with us.
I continue to send pictures of him to all of them. They come into SLC once a year and us into San Jose also. As Chad gets older he will get to see them more. We have a second family now and we need to focus that it is all about these precious little guys, ALL OF THEM.
You’ll never want to go through any of this. You’d never believe how horrible this mess is. Just think of having to go back into this once lived in and warm happy house, now empty! CLOSED! GONE....
My precious sister had to do all of this, as I had a new baby to take care of. She had to be the executor of Mike’s estate. You can’t imagine the amount of work and papers, taxes, etc that has to go into this. Unimaginable! The State and probate attorneys steps in, and just think of having to itemize everything and sell it all to the public? Then having the probate attorney looking over your shoulder which all money’s goes into this estate?
Yes, it is also sick to also think the state takes over half, yes they have taken over half! It has taken 2 years to complete Mike’s. Collette’s is almost finished now. We have heard that in some states they can take it all. If you do not do this for yourselves, do it for your loved ones so they do not have to endure this extra pain we had to. This is all about the children! Your children! Grandchildren!
With Kathy, my sister being the executor, she would want to tell you,
PLEASE GET YOUR WILL DONE, TODAY!
Or at least; Write it down on a piece of paper, signed and notarized from a bank. Put it in your safety deposit box; give it to a loved one or someone you trust! This is better than nothing! Believe me! Believe us!
My husband, my soul mate and I have adopted baby Chad last November 2005, almost ½ year later. He is our blessing. He has brought so much happiness to all of our lives.
I had made a promise to both Mike and Collette that I would always; we would always take care of each other and our children.
Our family will continue to watch over all of them forever! Unfortunately, we have to tell our baby Chad this horrible story of both his birth mother and father one day, but we'll be ok.
I can only pray these Unintentional deaths stop. Today!
Thank you for allowing me to share our tragedy and “one” more death; that should have never happened due to METHADONE!
Let's make a difference!
I love you Mike!
Always.......
Karen Lasrich
Sister of Michael James Kennedy
Born 3-28-62 Died 12-4-04
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